I cried today. Those stinging tears of joy when the love in your heart is spilling out to the point your body can no longer physically contain it. It was just one of those simple everyday moments. I was helping the girls eat some lunch and the bigger Little Miss asked me to sing her a song and rock her. We found that song on YouTube and listened to it a number of times on full volume, singing together and rocking away in a kitchen chair. Smaller Little Miss added in her coos and squeals while grabbing for more bites of her meal.
I looked up and there was (old) yogurt on the ceiling. I have no idea how exactly one of my children flung it that well, but it’s there and it’s staying. I’d be kidding if I said I was going to clean it up. I looked down and there were different colors of playdough spilled on the floor among the dog and cat hair dust bunnies and leftover meal crumbs. I looked behind me and there were dirty dishes piled up and paperwork to attend to. But in that perfect moment I had a laser-like presence with my girls and that was all that mattered. The chores to be done didn’t matter, they didn’t even weigh on me. I was lost in the joy of being with them and absorbing every bit of the joy of now.
The next tenant who lives here (bless their sweet hearts) can clean up that yogurt. There are plenty of dishes clean to put that off until tomorrow. The playdough and fur can easily be swept up when the mood strikes. It’s all evidence of a life full of life. How empty this home would be without these messes and the noise. This evidence of our existence, here together, now.
Those moments of clarity and presence are what we should strive for, looking back on those few minutes earlier today, the memory literally seems to glow with a warm light from that moment of fullness and love. I will rock and sing to these babies until they grow up and beg me to stop. And then I will cry again, but it will be a very different sort of cry.
“So rock me momma like a wagon wheel
Rock me momma any way you feel
Hey, momma rock me
Rock me momma like the wind and the rain
Rock me momma like a south bound train
Hey, momma rock me”
Old Crow Medicine Show